The difficulties people living with Crohn's face when it comes to connecting romantically are unique. As Crohn's disease expert Ellen J. Scherl, MD, Director of the Roberts Inflammatory Bowel Disease Center at Weill Medical College of Cornell University/New York - Presbyterian Hospital notes, accepting the unpredictable nature of Crohn's in relation to romantic yearnings is key to overcoming inevitable obstacles.
"The understanding is that this disease is a chronic, sapping, interruptive illness, and therefore the symptoms of abdominal discomfort, cramping, weight loss, diarrhea, anemia and fatigue may occur at the most inopportune and certainly most unexpected times," Dr. Scherl said.
According to the 2008 Voices of Crohn's survey, conducted by Manhattan Research on behalf of the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America and the Digestive Disease National Coalition, people living with Crohn's report feeling limited in their ability to have romantic relationships. Dr. Scherl notes that, in general, "making romantic connections may be a little more challenging because of the interruptive and unpredictable nature of this disease," but that may only be the tip of the iceberg for some young people. Though injections and oral treatments may not be obvious to a potential romantic partner, those who undergo surgery may have visible physical scars or an ostomy that are difficult to hide when things become intimate.
Understandably, self-consciousness can result and can be a major barrier to overcome before intimacy. "Sometimes body image is an issue," Dr. Scherl acknowledges. However, she adds that "the most important thing is that surgery, when indicated, may restore a sense of quality of life, and therefore surgery - for all of its image issues - is actually a welcome change for many patients."
These body image issues can impact the desire for physical and emotional intimacy, which is not only difficult for people living with Crohn's to deal with, but can be hard for a partner who doesn't understand the condition. When symptoms begin, a normal sex drive can easily diminish and the potential embarrassment around this can lead to a dysfunctional silence from both parties. While a partner may be aware of the plight of living with Crohn's, it's a natural human reaction to become frustrated or angry.
Open, honest communication is key to helping the other person understand what's happening - the physical discomfort, the fear, the anxiety - which is true of fostering any healthy relationship, medical condition or not. As Dr. Scherl notes, managing Crohn's while pursuing an intimate relationship isn't so dissimilar to dating for the rest of the population, with a special need for even more transparent cross-communication. "For the most part, [people living with Crohn's] date as anybody else does. Their inhibitions and anxieties are similar," she said.
The impact of Crohn's on intimate relationships is a top-of-mind concern for people living with the condition. Fifty-five percent of those surveyed for Voices of Crohn's said the disease has had a significant impact on intimacy with their spouse or partner.
After working with countless people living with Crohn's, Dr. Scherl says, "Most important [to remember] is that even once companionship is found - people get married, have children - this disease continues to sap their strength. Many patients become sick of feeling sick, making it difficult to give back to their spouses and/or children." Again, this is where open communication is critical, as it assures the person living with Crohn's that they're investing in a relationship with a partner that is supportive and willing to work with the ups and downs inherent to daily life.
Though there may be a few additional hurdles to finding successful love and intimacy for those with Crohn's, believe it or not, the extra adversity may actually prove beneficial. People living with Crohn's gain strength simply from dealing with the disease day to day. In fact, the resilient and resourceful nature of those living with Crohn's often leads to successful and fulfilling romantic relationships that healthy peers should take note of.
"What I've found is that people living with Crohn's are unbelievably adaptive and find creative ways of making their way through life. They are actually models for how to overcome challenges," Dr. Scherl concludes.
